A Way Back Into Love
Do what you love and love what you do. Just in case you cannot love, hate it.
It is better to hate than to pretend love. At least, you will be real. You will be honest. Honesty is the beginning of knowledge.
To go somewhere, the first thing you must know is not the destination. The first thing you must know before going is where you are. Otherwise, you are lost. Even before the journey begins.
To know where you are, you must open your eyes. You cannot close your eyes and start walking. You will be stupid. You will be fooling yourself. You are not honest — to yourself.
If you must start from hate in your way back into love, it’s perfectly okay. It is the best start for everyone. The pole position. Life is not a race. And you should not be in hurry.
If you’re in such a hurry, you are going to miss the first step: to open your eyes and know where you are. Many people miss this because they’re in such a hurry. They have no idea where they are, and yet they keep going. They are lost. Their so-called journey is a dream.
People who pretend love are just repressing their own hate. They are condemning their own feeling. They never take a good look at their own hate. They have been told that hate is bad, hate is wrong, we are not supposed to hate, and so on. They have been told so and they believe it, but they never know it for themselves. And because they never know it for themselves, all they know is repress it. Condemn it. Their so-called knowledge is false. Their so-called love is just the opposite of hate.
Drop believing and start knowing. If hate is bad, you must know how really bad it is. If hate is wrong, you must know what’s really wrong with it. You must know it for yourself, and you must know it from yourself.
You cannot truly know from the others. Even from me. When people tell you about their feelings, they give you words rather than the feeling itself. Word is reduction. It may spark a feeling in you, but then it is your own feeling. Not them — how do you know that your feeling is the same with them? The words may be the same, but the inner reality is not necessarily similar. People may understand one word differently because each of them has different experiences with language. That’s why people invent dictionary — it is dick, and arbitrary.
Next time when your hate emerges, you must put as much attention as possible into it. Feel it. Do not condemn it, or condone it. Just observe it with your inner senses. Live it. To its fullest. It is best when your hate is total, because then you will know the truth about your own hate. Your own feeling. You will know the truth beyond the words. Beyond the reduction. The naked truth.
You cannot wait until later to know your feeling because then you’ll miss it — it will be more difficult to be known after it has slipped back into your subconscious. You may remember it, but then it’s just your memory. Memory is another reduction. It may be a better reduction than words, but still: it is reduction. Not the reality.
The reality is always in the present. In the now. History is not real — it is just a story. It may have happened for real, but it’s no longer happening for real. The only remaining of that story in the present is the record of it. The reduction. Not the reality. If you think that the record is the same with the reality, you are confused. You are lost. You are not thinking straight. Your mind is misleading. Your mind is lying. You better stop thinking.
Real love is only available in the present. Real love is always new — it can never be old. If you cannot move on from your old history, you cannot really love what you do. You cannot do what you really love! You must get back to the present.