The Lover Stands Alone
Relationship is of the EGO. You cannot skip the E, you cannot let it GO.
The ego is coward. The ego is insecure. People look for relationship because they need security. They need certainty. They are cowards. They are egoists.
The egoists seek love from the others because they cannot truly love themselves. Their so-called love is just the opposite of hate. Their idea of loving themselves is just being selfish. Egoist people are selfish.
Selfishness cannot co-exist with love. It can only exist with hate, jealousy, lust, and anger. But the ego is cunning. It can play repressing itself to pretend selflessness. There are many people who repress their own hate to pretend love. They repress their own lust to pretend godliness. They repress their own anger to pretend patience. They are all merely pretending because they are all merely repressing. They are all fake.
Your so-called moralists, saints, and priests are fake. They are repressive. They have so many commandments, so many prohibitions, so many taboos, because their so-called ethics and moral codes are based on repressions. They teach people to be fake. They make people repressive.
Now people are repressive to each other because they have been repressive towards themselves. They keep being cops to each other, being judges to each other, creating guilt in each other. They make each other’s life miserable because they have unnecessarily made their own misery, by repressing their own feelings. They won’t leave each other alone.
The ego cannot be happy alone. Whenever people try to be alone, the ego will create loneliness so that people start missing each other and look for each other again — the ego is dependent on the others.
The ego always needs the others because it always needs an object, either for domination or submission. It is the most basic ingredient for BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism. It may have subtle appearance as romance, but if you go deep enough, you will see BDSM everywhere: people bind themselves to each other, they force each other to be faithful, they dominate some, and submit to the others. But then they betray each other as part of their sadism, their own masochism.
True romance is only available alone. Because in ultimate aloneness, the ego cannot exist — if you don’t repress it, if you just keep yourself aware of it, the ego simply disappears. It won’t create loneliness. It cannot make selfishness. It has no reality on its own. What is proved to be real then is happiness. That to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance, says Oscar Wilde. Says me.
People must be happy alone before they can be happy with each other. Otherwise, it is merely loneliness. It is the ego — two egos collide together, creating bigger egos. A bigger mess.
Many people have been in relationship, and yet they feel lonely. It seems that their lovers cannot truly understand who they are, what they want, and how they want it to be done. They have changed lovers, and they have changed a lot, but they are unable to find the one who truly understands them — they’re just not thinking straight.
Nobody can truly understand you but yourself. If you truly understand yourself, you will never need understanding from the others. People who misunderstand you are those who misunderstand themselves. You cannot make them understand unless they understand themselves first — you should leave them alone. Don’t waste your life to educate mindless people.
In the future, when many people have truly understood themselves, they will deliberately have children without getting married. They will raise children in friendliness and lovingness instead of stressful marriage. Their family, their parenthood will be better because it will be based on true understanding. Not on repressions. Not on the EGO — they have lost the E, they have let it GO.